Congratulations Romantic Grizzly Bear!

Grizzlies wander into inhabited areas more often and more brazenly each year. It’s become a really serious problem, especially as those country bears, used to simple country ways, enter our most populous cities and start looking for love.

You are one of these grizzly bears, and today you’re going to arrive in New York City, ostensibly looking for work on the docks so you can make ends meet and live in one of the most bustling and interesting cities in the world. But what you’re really interested in is finding a relationship and then relying entirely on said relationship to define your existence.

And today, after arriving in New York, you’re going to see a woman in a long flowing fur coat, mistake her for a were-bear, and begin the bear mating dance, which will consist mostly of you making some grinding dance moves and advancing towards her indelicately. You’ll also slap your massive bear dick on and around her thighs in the hopes of arousing her.

Normally, this would repulse a human woman. But in New York, it’s actually considered a totally appropriate way to interact with other people. Instead of repulsing her, you’re going to quite thoroughly entice her. She’ll take you back to a hotel room and fuck you silly (until you start bear laughing, we mean) at which point she’ll call animal control and have you taken away to a holding facility where you’ll await execution.

But hey, at least you had some regrettable sex and briefly justified your lifestyle!

Congratulations Romantic Grizzly Bear!