Congratulations on Forgetting Aboutthe Treasure in Your Attic for a Decade!

Today you’re going to put a box in your attic. It’ll be a small box, a very special box. A box that you will promptly forget about for ten years.

Over the next ten years a lot is going to happen. You’re going to get hit by a car, end up in a wheelchair, join a cult, elevate yourself to the role of leader within said cult. You’re going to get circumsized again for reasons that we don’t totally understand, you’re going to try replacing your legs with crudely fashioned bars of steel that barely support your weight and, when that doesn’t work, you’re going to become a Buddhist based on the misapprehension that Buddhists are capable of flight.

There will also be a bunch of other shit, some of it related to the President and the rise of the Soviet Union’s strange respawned new form. But most of the stuff you care about, the stuff you’re capable of talking about will mostly be germane to cults and your legs.

All that while you’ll miss those Star Wars figures you cached away ages ago, but you won’t be able to remember just where you put them. Until ten years from today, when you finally recall just where you stashed all those figures. You, with your lack of legs, will be totally incapable of scaling the steps to the attic and getting inside.

The irony will be profound, a delight in its own right, but this will be a poor substitute for the original Boba Fett figurine.

Congratulations on Forgetting About the Treasure In Your Attic for a Decade!