Congratulations on Swindling Those Worthless Fucking Orphans!

Man’s gotta eat and pay to fuck sad ladies. That’s your motto, or it would be if you had time for mottos. But a low down street hussla (not to be confused with hustler) like you can’t be bothered to write down mottos and pass them on to young toughs just starting out. Yours is not to philosophize. Yours is to swindle, finagle and steal your way to better living.

Case in point: today you’re going to roll up on an orphanage asking for donations for books and clothing that you’ll give to other orphans. The orphans will be so touched by your stories of poverty and want that they’ll reach deep into their own pockets (gaunt from poverty and want) and fork out as much money as they can spare and then some to help those other besieged imaginary orphans out. It will be, in the words of a total fucking sucker, heartwarming.

For suckers, I mean. You’ll think it’s fucking hilarious. And when you go home and buy a pack of cigarettes and a six pack of PBR with the thirty bucks those orphans gave you you’ll shove the change into your pants just so that you can know, even if the orphans never know, that you rubbed that cash on your dick.

Well done, you reprehensible piece of human excrement. You will be able to afford your sad, sad lifestyle for another day because of what you did to those kids.

Congratulations on Swindling Those Worthless Fucking Orphans!