Congratulations on Manipulating Him Into Paying Your Rent!

There are a lot of ways to get a sugar daddy. Sex, clever word play, elaborately constructed dioramas that recount wars as recalled by various History channel documentaries.

You’re going to do it by stealing a painting from a man who commissioned a mystical work of art long ago that prevents him from aging. You broke into his house a few days ago and today you’re going to get his painting, cover it with a sheet and put it in the lobby of the building he works in.

“If you don’t pay my rent for the next three years I’ll show you this painting I swear to god!” you’ll hastily scream.

“Oh…kay,” he’ll respond, promptly writing you a check for three hundred and fifty dollars, the full rent on your basement apartment in southern Jacksonville, Florida.

Congratulations on Manipulating Him Into Paying Your Rent!