Congratulations Especially Frisky Kitten!

Kitties like to be frisky, we all know it. Heck, we love it. Without frisky kittens, the internet would consist entire of pornography and we’d all be really depressed all the time with no means of lifting our spirits.

But you’re gonna take it a little far today when you start a Columbian cocaine smuggling cartel out of your owner’s home. You won’t clear it with them or anything, you’ll just start stashing baggies in your old lady’s litterbox and when she starts asking questions you’ll slit her stem to stern.

When you’re finally brought to trial, in four months time, it’ll be an ugly sight. No sympathy for the devil or pleas on your behalf. Just an endless parade of broken hearts and stamped spirits talking about how they always wanted better for you, about how terrible it is that you didn’t live up to their expectations and about how immense and thorough your drug smuggling ring really is.

When you’re sent to prison (not cat prison, full on prison with jacked dudes and rape and the whole nine yards) you’ll know you’ve earned it. But a part of you will be sad that your friskiness, which lead you to such depths of depravity, such a fantastic degree of misbehavior, will be abated.

At least, for the next seven years.

Have fun inside!

Congratulations Especially Frisky Kitten!