“…and may the Holocaust never come to your wedding. Or the planet again. Or any other planet. Mentioned in this toast. Or in any other toast.”
You’ll wipe the sweat from your brow and smile awkwardly at the bride and groom, raising your glass before ramming it into your own mouth and chipping one of your teeth.
“Fugh,” you’ll mumble as you try to reach into the gum between your lips and teeth and grab a hold of the shard of glass. Your fingers will slip as you try to pull it out while blood pours from your mouth on to the ground as the rest of the wedding party stands in silence and just watches as you struggle on your knees.
“Doth abyove hab pliers?” you’ll shout, at which the crowd will shake their collective heads and look collectively down at the ground, giving you a moment’s relief from your shame.
Congratulations on Making the Most Awkward Toast at the Wedding!
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