Congratulations Zombie Carwash Owner!

Some people are amazing business people. They just come up with ideas that no one knew they wanted and make them into businesses.

You are not one of these people.

Today, in an attempt to make lemonade out of the lemons that are the zombie outbreak that took the world by storm you’re going to start the world’s first zombie car wash.

It’ll be a disaster, since mostly zombies will just vomit blood on windshields instead of cleaning cars. You’ll get a handful of customers, but they’ll mostly just show up to kill your workers, since zombies won’t have any kind of protected status under law. They won’t even be considered legitimate property. The only reason you won’t be arrested on the spot for owning zombies is because if they arrested everyone who owned a zombie, they’d be arresting half the population.

But no one will shed a tear when you finally close your business’ doors in a month’s time. It was pretty poor taste to enslave other people’s loved ones to try and make them wash cars for you while they were trapped in undeath. And it was a shittier idea to do it in the ruins of Boston, where people were assholes to start with.

And we’d like to tell you your next business will do better. But really, no one is going to want to buy a shotgun with a pitchfork attached to it from the guy who used to run the zombie car wash. The zombie outbreak is over, and that business idea would’ve been perfect during the outbreak, but now it just makes you look like you can’t get over the outbreak that took your wife and family from you.

Nut up, junior. Lots of people had hard times during the outbreak, and you don’t see them whining about it. At least, not quite as loudly or publicly as you seem to be doing.

Congratulations Zombie Carwash Owner!