Congratulations Little Brown Boy!

Yesterday you were just another little brown child in a little village in the middle of nowhere in some nameless, godless island in the South Pacific, but today you’re going to be king. After freeing all those prisoners from yesterday, most of whom were actually just tourists visiting your country for its gorgeous beaches and lax laws regarding the consumption of weed and opium, there’s going to be a need for a new infrastructure to govern your diverse island paradise.

Previously the Japanese remnants that still thought they were fighting World War II kept order, or rather terror, in your little village through a combination of violence and general shameful looks. But without their constant teasing and general douchiness you’ll all need to find a new way to maintain order.

Since the majority of the tourists are Americans they’ll just vote for themselves when asked who should be leader if you use a wide open ballot, and while none of them would be nearly as bad as the Japanese no island has ever really been put on the map by the leadership of drug addicts and people who use “extreme” while referring to activities that involve massive amounts of safety gear. That leaves native inhabitants of the island.

Most of the natives will have had their spirits broken long ago by the Japanese and the horrible ravages of your island paradise (so much banana diaharhea) that their reigns would be dismal, hopeless things. It’ll be up to you, little brown boy, to take all of their native energy and turn it into something positive, instead of sulking and shooting at things with antique firearms all day.

And so, in an almost completely uncontested election that Disney will later immortalize in a terrible movie, you will run for the office of President of the Island. You’ll be elected almost unanimously, largely because you saved all those white people earlier and they’ll do most of the talk and the voting during the election, and when all is said and done you’ll be in charge. Which will be great news for the island, because the very idea of a child leading an island will spark so much tourism that within a month your income will have multiplied tenfold.

Congratulations Little Brown Boy!