Today you’re going to gain ultimate power over the dreams of all man kind. Since there are just so fucking many of us most of dreams about marshmallows or dreams that consist of scenes from Ghostbusters. You’ll have just watched that movie and it’ll be foremost in your mind. Also, it’s a pretty solid fallback when you can’t come up with any better ideas.
But for a few of us you’ll reserve some very special dreams.
For your exes, dreams of you giving them bone creakingly good orgasms, the kind they can feel the next day. They’re gonna dream so hard they’ll wake up in a puddle, wondering what just happened and scrambling to find your phone number so they can get in touch with you and get their disappointment on.
For your mom and dad? Dreams about unicorns, sex when they were young (which will be tough for you to make, but you’re a good son and you love your parents) and dreams about owning boats. When they wake up they’ll wake up with a financial plan that will put them within spitting distance of boat ownership, which will be a nice little gift from you to them.
And as for your enemies? Terrible dreams of an endless whiteness, where their only company is Ray Romano and their only hope is for the sweet release of death. Only a handful of them will find their way back to the world of the waking. The rest will be taken by madness, cast aside by the world and left to metaphysically drift, or worse will die within the dreamscape, condemned to reside there forever.
Congratulations Dreamweaver!
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