This one goes out to the lovely lady, the K-Bas. Let’s face it, you gave a great many of us our first boner while we watched Never Say Never Again. And Batman? You defined weird, forced romantic interests inserted into beloved existing narratives for a generation.
But times have been tough lately. Even though you’ve been making movies it’s been hard to pay any attention to them when they have titles like 8 Mile and The Mermaid Chair. We want boners, including slightly older lady boners, not anti-boners generated by those gay ass wastes of celluloid.
Which is why we’re all going to be super psyched tomorrow when you announce your next feature film: Kim Basinger Convincing Rachel McAdams to Make Out. It’ll be directed by Oliver Stone, and will be universally recognized as “the only movie he’s ever made which isn’t utter shit” by Rotten Tomatoes. Its box office gross will be equivalent to the annual GDP of Panama and the movie will simultaneously end the debate over gay marriage in America and cure all forms of AIDS everywhere, ever.
Also we’ll get to see you make out with one of today’s hottest actresses, so that’s pretty sweet. Thanks for making this instead of another shitty movie like Charlie St. Cloud!
Congratulations Kim Basinger!
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