Congratulations on Your Period Accurate Garb!

“What the fuck are you wearing, Jack?”

That’ll be the first thing you hear as the elevator opens on to the big business meeting/ice cream social your work organized. You can’t say you didn’t expect to hear something like it, but you certainly didn’t expect to hear it this soon, or from your boss, or in such brusque language. Still, you’re a professional, so you’ll do your best to shrug it off.

“Hah! I wear the rags of the good queen, peasant,” you’ll say with a slightly fey British accent. “What are these fabrics that thou hast hastened to cover thy nudity with, knave?”

Your boss will shake his head, totally lost. “I bought this shirt at Abercrombie and Fitch,” he’ll say, pulling on the fabric like someone’s supposed to be impressed by that.

The young woman to whom he’d be speaking will burst out laughing. He’ll look at her, a little bit embarrassed, and trundle off in a huff, looking for a bathroom where he can change in to his Volcomstone tee. The woman will take a sip from her martini glass and extend her hand to you.

“Eleanor Marley,” she’ll say to you, giving you a firm pair of pumps before letting you go, and your jaw will go slack.

“Eleanor Marley, the youngest CFO in company history? I find myself aghast that I didst not bring an extra frock to this engagement!”

She’ll laugh again and give you a “you’re so fucking cute” look. After a few more exchanges like that, a lengthy conversation about the works of Lawrence Stern and a brief discussion about the superficiality of brands you’ll be in like Flynn not just for that promotion, but also one of the wildest nights you’ve ever spent with a CFO.

And it’s all thanks to the fact that you like to dress up anachronistically at social functions. Congratulations on your period accurate garb, stud!