Congratulations on Being a Little Too Into Your Self!

This could’ve been a Greek myth if it wasn’t for modern technology. Now it’s kind of beautiful.

You’ve been working as a research assistant for some time at OHSU. Mostly stem cell stuff. You’re smart enough to have had your PhD years ago, but you never had the ambition.

You know how every piece of equipment in the lab functions to a T. You could recall thee research of each of your attached doctors from memory and you could expand it in ways they haven’t even dreamed of you, but you still spend most of your lunch break smoking weed and dreaming of better times.

You’re here because you want to be here. Because you’ve planned to be here for some time, and you’ve been biding your time, waiting for technology to catch up with your dreams. Today, after you finish fine tuning a pipette, it will finally have done so.

You’ll begin the process by extracting some of your DNA with a massive syringe. It’ll hurt like a son of a bitch, but no guts, no glory, right?

Then you’ll place the DNA in a centrifuge for reasons that are largely unclear. After a little spinning it’ll be all set for your purposes and you’ll pop it into the clone-o-mat you’ve been building in your spare time.

Fast forward two more hours and a perfect copy of yourself will emerge, puzzled by the world around him. You’ll step up and lock lips with him. The first lesson he learns will be how amazing your gentle love is. Later you’ll start teaching him language.

It’ll be the start of a beautiful and fulfilling love story which will stand the test of time. It’ll be sort of weirdly touching the same way Let The Right One In is, and it’ll all be thanks to your intellect and modern technology.

And just imagine, if you’d been born a few centuries ago you would’ve been relegated to starving to death while you stared at a reflecting pool. Oh, the blessings of the modern age.

Congratulations on Being a Little Too Into Your Self!