Everyone’s got their weird little kinks. Some people like dressing up like animals and “yiffing.” Some people like boning while in mascot costumes, usually mascots based on animals, and fucking each other stupider. And some people just like boning animals.
Compared to these walking horror stories your fetish is pretty normal. You like fucking in other people’s shoes.
Like all fetishes, it functions within your mind entirely without cause or reason. All you know is that when you slip on a pair of your best friend’s shoes all you want to do is drag the nearest boy into the bathroom, get on your knees and struggle to keep those shoes clean.
It’s a struggle you rarely win, but that’s because the people who frequently consent to being dragged into bathrooms for sex tend to be messy lovers. Which is why, today is such a big day for you.
You’re going to go bowling with Sam, the girl you’ve liked for some time now. Sam’s one of those “artists” who doesn’t make much art and works in data entry at an insurance agency. She drinks a lot and fucks boys she doesn’t love and secretly likes you but fears compromising your friendship.
Almost exactly the same thing could be said about you, except you’re a contributing writer to Kotaku who makes her living by processing freight for a company which specializes in shipping sex toys. It’s a great icebreaker at parties, but a lot more mundane than most people would expect.
You haven’t been bowling since you discovered your fetish, so you’re going to be totally unprepared for the rush you get once those shoes get on your feet. It’s going to be like an electric current running up your feet and into your hands. You’ll wish you’d brought a towel to sit down on, it’ll be that bad.
You’ll barely be able to bowl, it’ll be so bad. Half the balls your throw will end up in the gutter and, as a result, you and Sam will get all flirty. She’ll be all “Are you throwing the game?” and you’ll be all “Well, I wanted to boost your self-esteem, just in case you made a pass at me and I shot you down.” Then you’ll walk around awkwardly with this big grin on your face like you’re daring her to go for it.
But Sam has always been horrified of exposing her true feelings, both for you and in general, so she’ll do her best to ignore you and keep her eyes down. But she’ll be nervous now, and her game will start to suffer as well.
Before long the two of you will be ending your games with scores rooted firmly in the double digits, sighing and wanting to spend more time together but desperate to stop bowling or, more accurately, doing so horrible at bowling.
You’ll sit there staring down your lane for a two full minutes of silence before you finally speak up and go for it.
“Sam,” you’ll say, dead serious now. “I’ve got an idea.”
She’ll nod, anxiously, and you’ll outline your plan and she’ll laugh and nod.
She’ll briefly expose herself to the guy at the counter while you steal several pairs of shoes and run out. They’re ostensibly for your friends, but you also wanted to make sure the magic wouldn’t wear off before the end of the weekend.
Then you’ll go back to her place and have the best 36 hours of your life up until that point.
When the two of you are laying breathlessly (and shoelessly) on Sam’s futon you’ll confess your fetish to her and how you wouldn’t have had the balls if it wasn’t for the rented shoes. Sam will laugh her tinny little laugh and kiss you. She’ll make a magic slipper crack, then drop her weight down to go down on you.
You’ll almost ask her to wait for you to put on the shoes but on that Sunday afternoon you won’t need to. You’ll be fine just the way you are, just like you always are.
Congratulations on Indulging Your Fetish!
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