Congratulations on Removing the Tip!

You have a bad habit of talking about family during sex.

A lot of people have hang-ups, sure. Craig, over in Accounts Receivable, can’t get an erection without being punched by a girl with punk rock hair right in the balls. And Carey in HR can only sleep with a black man if he’s dressed like a mugger.

None of us really like Carey, on a related note.

Anyhow, the point is that everyone’s got a weird thing they do during sex. Anyone who claims they don’t is lying. The key is to find someone whose wacky fetish matches up with yours.

Your first girlfriend, Shelly, liked being slapped. Not in the face, but in general. It had to do with power dynamics and some absentee father issues left over from her childhood.

Casey liked to roleplay. She’d bring her d20 to bed, even when you told her you’d prefer a diceless system. It wasn’t the fetish in that case, so much as the fact that she seemed to be ignoring your needs. You were totally game for Mage or something, but she just wouldn't listen.

Margot, worst of all, just refused to have sex with you unless you wore a condom. That was a huge drag. You never got far with her.

After these misadventures of the heart you all but gave up on love. Until you met Sarah.

You felt an instant connection to her. The two of you seemed to have visited a lot of the same places and seen a lot of the same sights. You had the same views on politics, marriage, and, best of all, you both liked engaging in conversation during sex.

That was as far as the discussion got before the two of you decided to finish your coffee and hit up a motel to keep talking doing something more...interesting.

You started to exchange stories about yourselves while receiving head from one another. The topics grew steadily more intimate, shifting from pet peeves to old flames to opinions about jurisprudence until the conversation came to rest on family.

As you stuck the tip of your dick inside of her she said, “You remind me of my uncle, John.”

You laughed lightly. “That’s funny. My dad’s name is John.”

She’ll laugh back and kiss you. “That is funny. Ready?”

You’ll nod. “What’s really strange is that you look a lot like my aunt Karen.”

She’ll suddenly freeze. Her hands will press you back, not enough to force you out of her but enough to let you know you shouldn’t start thrusting.

“My mom’s name is Karen,” she’ll say, her face starting to turn bright red.

“Oh,” you’ll say, the cogs in your brain beginning to turn. “Oh shit.”

You’ll pull out, shake hands, and agree to never speak of this again. Then you’ll share a deep passionate kiss before leaving the motel in separate cars.

Congratulations on removing the tip. Thank god it didn’t go any farther than that, right? Oh, and the two of you will fuck for real in like two weeks. It’ll be tops.