Today you’re going to be pleasantly surprised when you’re abducted by small but tenacious group of giant sapient ants. They’ll burst into your suburban home and load you into a windowless van, spiriting you far, far away to the warehouse district of your closest metropolitan area.
Once they have you there they’ll speak to you about how they’ve watched you toiling for your unappreciative husband for years, eagerly awaiting the day when they’ll be able to spirit you away and make you their “fleshy queen.” Then they’ll make with the foot rubs and Baskin Robins, which is apparently all women give a shit about.
It’ll all seem perfect until your husband bursts in with a shotgun and starts firing at random. He’ll hit you, seriously injuring your left arm and sending you into shock, but no worries. Since he sees you as a valuable piece of property he’ll have you whisked off to the hospital in no time, where the doctors will “fix his god damn property” as he puts it, to make sure you can take care of his house again without ever having to worry about giant ants kidnapping you and taking you to a life of luxury ever again.
Congratulations on Finding Someone Who Really Appreciates You!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment