The nets will be full when you start hauling them on deck, their tremendous weight nothing unexpected. The whining of the winches, the grunts of your shipmates, all will be expected. But when the scaled man tumbles out of the nets, dazed, on to your deck the entire operation will grind to a halt. You’ll all just stand there, staring at him until the captain yells at you to stop blowing each other and get back to work and helps the scaled man to his feet.
He’ll take him below decks covered in a blanket with a cup of tea in hand as if he was just another crewman who had fallen overboard. It’ll be clear that he knows exactly what’s up, unlike everyone else on the boat, and it’ll give the whole affair a sort of normalcy. At least until the other scaled people show up.
They’ll be dressed in flowing robes that barely cover their genitals and cling to their bodies suggestively when wet, and they will always be wet. They’ll clamor over the gang rails as if they just belonged there the whole time and limp awkwardly down below.
After a while shouts will be heard, followed by the sounds of a struggle. The merpeople, with their strange lilting voices, will be screaming as loud as their airless lungs can manage and you and your co-workers will once again stop work and watch the hatches to see what comes out.
When the naked merman finally emerges, babbling incomprehensively, he’ll have your captain in a headlock with some sort of trident pressed to his forehead. He’ll be halfway across the deck when the other merpeople emerge from down below, all of them holding tiny tridents of their. It’ll clearly be a bad situation, with each group watching the other for the slightest slip up, the life of the closest thing you’ve ever had to a father hanging in the balance.
Most of the crew will shut down. A few will just watch in anticipation. A handful will weep. But you, and only you, will remember the time the captain took you aside and told you that in the event that he was ever held hostage by a mermaid you should use the emergency harpoon. You’d just assumed he was high on shrooms at the time, but at this moment you’ll know exactly what he meant.
You’ll grab the nearest emergency harpoon from its hiding place (which is a secret and will not be reproduced here) and hurl it full force at the naked merman’s face. It’ll take him in the jaw and send him sprawling to the ground, pinning him awkwardly half off his feet to a lower gang rail. You’ll think that he’s kicking and trying to free himself for a moment before you recognize that his body is shutting down, his brain firing randomly, telling his legs to move one last time.
Your captain will be fine. He’ll translate some of the mer speech and let you know that the merman you just harpooned was actually a serial killer famous for sleeping with fish and then murdering anyone who noticed, which was a lot of people because sound carries underwater and he tended to do his thing in pretty public areas. In exchange for your service they’ll give the captain a trident and a chest filled with treasure and the captain will gave you a handle of vodka that costs nine dollars and his personal thank you so really everyone will come out on top here.
Congratulations on Catching the Killer!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment