Congratulations on Pussying Out!

You and your wife have been honest with one another about the spark leaving your marriage for a while now. It happened years ago, but the two of you loved each other enough that you wanted to try and find a way to stick together. That’s why you started a board game night.

But board game night was incredibly dull. All it ever served to do was illustrate the banality of your pathetic sex life. Board games as a replacement for actual physical intimacy? How could you possible think that would work? After a month of trying to work it you tossed Russian Roulette into the mix and it solidified.

But lately you’ve been getting a little tired of Russian Roulette. No one’s died in some time and you’ve begun to assume that your wife isn’t really loading the gun. That assumption will be shattered when your swinging partner, James, blows the top of his head off before your Thursday evening sex.

After a nice bonding experience getting rid of his body and planting evidence that he vanished mysteriously during an arms smuggling operation you and your wife will return home and, in the heat of the moment, try to finish your pre-lovemaking ritual. You’ll sit down at a table with a revolver loaded with a single bullet, of which you are now painfully aware, and a copy of your favorite new board game, Oops! We’re Pregnant: The Life Ruining Game!

You’ll look at the board, then at your wife, and realize that you like this game for what it is, that you love your wife for who she is. You don’t really need the risk, real or fictitious, that the gun represents. What you really need is to be honest with this woman with whom you’ve always wanted to spend your life.

You’ll pick up the gun and slip the chamber loose before upending the bullet on to the floor. It’ll fall with a lonesome little clatter and your wife will look at the bullet, then at you, confused.

“That could’ve gone off,” she’ll say, still puzzled.

You’ll hurl the gun across the room, then upend the table in a display of your intense manliness. Then you’ll grab your wife, overpower her and drag her to the bedroom where the two of you will have the best sex you’ve experience in years. You won’t use a condom, and as a result you’ll end up with an unwanted pregnancy, referred to ever after as a surprise pregnancy, which will hopefully stymie the self-destructive tendencies that dominate your lives.

Congratulations on Pussying Out!