Congratulations on Your Plans Coming to Fruition!

You’re the assistant manager of a Arby’s in the area just outside of Indianapolis and it’s no secret that you want to move up. You’re AM at the most important fast food restaurant at your rest stop and you’d like to take your career to the next level. You’d also like to propose to your tepid girlfriend who manages the nearby QwikStop and consolidate power over your rest area in your fist.

But your manager is no dummy. He knows what it’s like to work at Arby’s and the things people are willing to do to get ahead there. He did some pretty terrible things to a regional manager’s wife to get where he is today, and he’s not looking to meet his end in a similar way.

But you’ve laid the foundation for your rise to power carefully, and you’re not going to fuck this up. First there’s Julio, whose name you pronounce with a J. You saved him long ago from an INS inspector and let him sleep in the kitchen whenever you close and he’s never forgotten it. He might not kill for you, but he certainly wouldn’t call the police if he saw you killing anyone.

Then there’s Lorelei, your teenage employee who seems to perpetually be trying and failing to find a new job. Lorelei was super pregnant when she started working at Arby’s and you personally performed her coathanger abortion. Lorelei could help you by keeping the other employees out of the manager’s office, either by faking a feminine emergency or blowing everyone on the staff at the same time. You haven’t specified, since, as you’ve made abundantly clear to all the other employees, you don’t like to micromanage.

Sean and Tom, the pothead brothers, aren’t really an issue. They’re more of an installation. That leaves Brucie, the ex-con and last member of your shift. Brucie doesn’t like you or your ambition. He doesn’t like your manager either, though, so it shouldn’t be too hard to frame him for the murder afterwards, especially with your unemployed uncle’s help.

Tonight you’re going to put your plan into motion. Lorelei is going to start bleeding everywhere just before it’s time to count out the cash drawers before the evening shift comes on. While Sean and Tom stare dumbfounded at the pool of blood underneath her you’ll grab the cash drawer, shouting “I HAVE TO COUNT THIS” as loud as you can and rushing to the manager’s office.

Inside Julio will be waiting, staring blankly ahead, keeping constant watch. He will appear to be a perfectly loyal guard to any curious parties, but you know better. You’ll give him a quick nod, which he’ll return, and then you’re throw the money at the manager and produce a hammer you stole from Bruce’s garage weeks earlier.

You’ll proceed to beat him clumsily about the head and neck until your breach his skull and brain matter and blood spills out on the floor. It’ll be super messy and super gross and you’ll wonder if this was really the wisest course of action. Luckily with Julio’s loyal help and natural cleaning skills you’ll have little trouble stuff what’s left of your manager into trash bags and stowing them in Brucie’s car trunk while he’s doing cocaine in the bathroom.

Then you’ll be a shoe-in for the management position that just opened up within the company. Unless they hire from outside the rest area you should be running your little slice of highway heaven by mid 2010 if everything keeps up the way you hope.

Congratulations on Your Plans Coming to Fruition!