Picking your nose is a bad habit and you know it. You’ve been told by many over the years, “dissed” by your parents over your inability to stop. Girlfriends leave you, despite trying to weather your gross and antisocial habit for years at a time. You’ve even lost a few jobs because you can’t keep your finger out of your nose.
For your part you've never offer any statements in your own defense. Perhaps there aren’t any. Perhaps you’re just so broken that this is something you’ll do for the rest of your life. Perhaps everyone is given one such flaw in their life and yours is simply apparent. Or perhaps you have a destiny.
It’s actually the third one.
Today at 3:17 PM while you’re picking your nose, musing over taking a smoke break from your data entry job you’re going to notice a large obstruction in your left nostril. Puzzled, you’ll extract it and find a well sized uncut diamond.
Excited, you’ll pick more and more, each finger’s delve revealing a new treasure. By the time you’ve finished there will be a nice, neat little pile of uncut diamonds sitting on the floor.
You don’t know if God decided to reward you for not thinking of boys while touching yourself for a whole week or if there was some sort of time vortex into the Congo which summoned diamonds into your nose without your prior knowledge or consent. But whatever happened you’re fucking rich now and you should be able to attract someone shallow enough to disregard your total lack of personal hygiene because of your fabulous wealth. So that's good.
Congratulations on Your Bountiful Harvest, and we hope that you one day change.
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