Congratulations on Speaking Your Mind!

At 7:37 PM tonight, seated around your dinner table with your wife to your left and your daughters arranged to your right, counterclockwise according to age, you’re going to slam your glass of milk down so hard it shatters and splatters everyone there.

“GrrrrAAAAHHHHH!” you’ll scream.

Your wife and children will stare at you, befuddled.

“Honey?’ your wife will ask, over the growing tide of your wordless scream.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!” you’ll continue, still trying to make your point.

“Was it the casero-“ your wife will begin before you hurl a plate at her head and she leaps out of the way just in time, leaving the plate to crash against the wall behind her.

“Jesus Christ!” she’ll say, taking care to capitalize each word.

“Mom!” your younger daughter will say, concerned for her well being.

“Dad!” your older daughter will say, impressed that you still possess the passion necessary for physical violence.

“RAAAAAAAAHHHH!” you’ll continue to shout, until everyone at the table quiets down and just stares at you, still covered in milk, waiting to see what you break next.

You’ll let the scream die and then take a few deep breaths, giving them a chance to interrupt you just in case you don’t really have their attention. When they don’t you’ll speak in a collected tone, your brief, crucial piece.

“I’m gay,” you’ll say.

Your wife and daughters will look at one another. The older one will snicker and the younger one will look puzzled.

“What’s gay mean?” she’ll ask. Her older sister will snicker and whisper in her ear and her eyes will widen. “Oh!” she’ll exclaim. “Like Uncle Teddy!”

She’ll be referring to Theodore, your lover of the last three years who both your daughters and wife have met on multiple occasions and once even visited the opera with.

Your wife will shake her head and stand up.

“No shit, honey. We’re all fine with it.” Your daughters will nod their assent and you’ll apologize for making such a mess and go get a new place setting from the kitchen so you can all finish dinner in peace.

Congratulations on Speaking Your Mind!