Congratulations on Boffing the Lead Singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs!

Everyone loves Karen O. Anyone who claims they don’t is a liar or broken inside and therefore doesn’t count as a real person.

And since Karen O is inarguably sexy in an unconventional and enthralling way everyone wants to lay her down and just take their time with her, exploring every inch of her supple flesh and telling her how great a song Gold Lion was.

But most people don’t get a chance. Spike Jonze, lucky talented bastard he is, hogs all her love. When she isn’t on his dick she’s on tour and “she doesn’t cheat on her boyfriend.” At least, under normal circumstances.

But you’re a very skilled magician, and if there’s one thing Karen O can’t resist it’s a man who can remove a seemingly endless stream of multicolored scarves from her vagina. You’ve also got the good fortune to operate out of Ottowa, where all bands must tour for no obvious reason and where nothing ever happens.

It is through these circumstances that you’ll find yourself doing a private show for a surprisingly sober Karen O after a well attended Yeah Yeah Yeahs show. She’ll seem pretty tired, but as you perform simple parlor tricks she’ll become increasingly aroused. When you remove a coin from behind her head and tell her she has dirty ears she’ll purr that that isn’t the only dirty thing about her, and when you do that stupid milk in the newspaper trick she’ll get right out of her chair and whisper in your ear that she wants you to make your milk disappear inside of her.

“Your man milk, that is,” she’ll clarify as you stand there, baffled. “I mean your semen,” she’ll finish before nipping at your ear and grabbing your crotch.

What will follow will be the best sex of your life and the eighth best of hers, which isn’t too shabby considering that she’s a rock star. You’ll give her your number and she’ll tuck it into her bra, telling you that she liked the show a lot and that she’ll check you out whenever she’s in town.

Come next Tuesday you'll have another excuse to avoid having a real relationship since every year or so you’ll get a chance to fuck a really hot rock star who finds you inexplicably enchanting.

Congratulations on Boffing The Lead Singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs!