Congratulations on Finally Getting Your Weed Dealer to Leave!

You buy weed from a really nice young man named Gerald, Jerry for short, and you get along with him pretty well. But there’s a problem with Jerry: he doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

He comes over right away on his bike and sells you whatever he wants, but he’ll sit in your apartment for hours upon hours watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and asking you about food. At first it was endearing, but now you have to weigh how much you want weed against how much you want to hear Jerry talk about Occupy Wall Street without breathing for forty minutes.

Normally you’d just snap and tell him to go fuck himself, but Jerry is actually pretty nice and his prices are really reasonable. But he just doesn’t respond to your various cues that it’s time to let you have some me time, and you’re about to hit a breaking point if you don’t come up with a solution soon.

Well today is your lucky day. Today you’re going to stumble upon a combination of words that will let you make Jerry leave your apartment whenever you want. Today you’re going to accidentally find his Achilles heel, and it’s going to make your life so much better.

Today, while Jerry is dropping off his latest supply you’re going to be flipping through the channels and you’ll stumble upon Joy Behar talking to someone, you’re not sure who, about something, you won’t be sure what.

“Huh,” you’ll say to yourself as much to him. You’ve always had a thing for Italian moms, and Joy is nothing is not an IMILF. You’ll turn to Jerry, nod to the TV and make a suggestion.

“Let’s watch this The View shit.”

Jerry will back up as you suggest it, all but dropping his backpack on his way out the door.

“Gotta go,” he’ll mumble.

Turns out his mom, who he no longer speaks to, used to watch The View a lot and the show is a huge emotional trigger for him. And as long as you don’t know that you can use The View to get him out of your apartment without having to feel guilty about it. So as long as you don’t read this post your life should improve dramatically.

Congratulations on Finally Getting Your Weed Dealer to Leave!