Congratulations Mathemagician!

Math is pretty cool, we’re not gonna lie. Whenever a fly ass honey shows us equations on a board we’re like “daaaamn” and then we all try to fuck her because we all know on a Freudian level that sleeping with a woman destroys her a little and gives the man fucking her some of her strength. But as cool as that math is it is nothing compared to the kind of math you’re going to showcase for us this evening.

Tonight you’re going to bust out with some math that would make Hawking’s head spin. You’re going to do more than just solve equations: you’re going to create equations that will change the very fabric of the world.

It’ll start as it always does in a classroom, in front of a blackboard. A group of puzzled students will look up at you like they’ve never seen a teacher dressed in wizard robes before.

“Sup with the robes?” they’ll collectively ask. You’ll ignore them, picking up your chalk and making a line, the most basic of symbols on the board.

Suddenly the room will explode in color and sound: the introduction of the most basic component of maths, the number one, will shiver throughout the classroom and your students will be knocked flat on their asses.

“Hold on you little shits,” you’ll mutter at them as you continue to scribble various numbers and letters and occasionally reference a proof on the board. You’ll work intently for fifteen minutes before all is done, before you place that final X at the end of your equation and the dragon materializes before you and your students.

He’ll be small for a dragon, only twenty feet long, but he’ll be pretty awesome looking with rainbow scales and smoke curling from his nostrils. You’ll leap upon his back, robes billowing out as you do so, and pat him on the neck.

“MATH, BITCHES!” you’ll shout as the dragon exhales a fireball into the wall and it shatters outward, opening your way forward and allowing you out into the world.

Congratulations Mathemagician!