Congratulations Interracial Porn Enthusiast!

Today you’re going to be hanging out with the woman you’ve been dating for several weeks in a bar. It’ll be close to your house, within walking distance, but you’ll feel as if you’ve moved a great distance just to be there with her.

The two of you will have discussed a lot by this point. Exes, weirdest places you’ve ever done it, that sort of thing. You’ll have compared notes about Europe, discussed which Woody Allen movie made you totally give up on him as a film maker and even shared the fact, guilty, that neither of you really like Curb Your Enthusiasm. But today you’re going to bring out the single biggest whammy you could possibly think of.

You’ll have selected this bar so that you can easily flee back home in the event that she freaks out. You’ll have shown up early and pounded two drinks to make sure that you have the courage to ask her. But you still won’t be able to bring yourself to start until the two of you have ordered food and you’ve each had at least one more drink.

“So honey,” you’ll begin, chewing your nails. “I need to talk to you about something.”

She’ll remove the straw from her drink to keep it from hitting her in the face and laugh. “What’s up, babe?” she’ll say. She’ll be pretty drunk by this point, smiling at nothing, happy without cause. You’ll bite your lip. It’s now or never.

“So remember how we talked about how we both liked porn a lot?”

She’ll nod, chewing on the ice from her drink, and laugh. “Yeah. Not as weird as you think, honey.”

You’ll nod solemnly.

“Well, there’s something I need to speak to you about,” you’ll say, sipping your drink and eyeing the door as you do so. “I like a specific kind of porn.”

She’ll lean forward on her hand and stare up at you.

“Oh yeah?” she’ll demure. “Do tell.”

You’ll look left and right, suddenly horrified that one of your co-workers could be nearby, listening, recording this whole conversation for your boss or something. Once your paranoia has been momentarily satisfied you’ll lean in close to her.

“I like interracial,” you’ll stage whisper to her. Someone nearby will laugh and you’ll shrink, but she, bless her heart, will just grasp your chin and pull you up.

“That’s really not weird,” she’ll say. Then she’ll lean over the table and kiss your forehead before ordering another drink.

You’ll feel relieved, and you’ll continue drinking, relaxed at last, until she takes you back to your place later that night, the two of you stumbling the five meager blocks, barely getting the key in the door and collapsing almost immediately on your futon. She’ll slide her hands down your pants and tell you that she’s going to open up your world before freeing herself from your genitals and turning on your laptop.

What follows will be a very thorough education in just how dark and weird pornography on the internet can get. In the end you’ll feel a little inadequate next to her, a little uncomfortable with the depth of your special lady’s knowledge, and a little bit better about your own fetishes, realizing that interracial porn isn’t really that weird compared to some of the things that people unabashedly profess their love for on the internet.

Congratulations Interracial Porn Enthusiast!