Congratulations on Your Inappropriate Use of Office Space!

Tomorrow you’re going to prove to the world that VPs of Sales can party too. You’re going to show up early in your corner office, spark up and set about hotboxing the entire thing. It’ll take four hours but eventually you’ll fill the entire thing with smoke. Co-workers will walk by and mutter about how rocking it must be in there.

But as it turns out hotboxing your office will just give you panic attacks and make you really, really paranoid. Turns out you don’t really have a good “weed high,” and you tend to become kind of a nervous dick when you get enough pot in you. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s just the way some people are, but it will forever be your burden to bear.

When the smoke finally clears, around 2:30, you’ll cut out to return home to your shrewish wife and disappointing children where you’ll sit in your overstuffed chair watching old Seinfeld episodes of DVD and thinking about the things you did instead of partying when you were younger.

Congratulations on Your Inappropriate Use of Office Space!