You’re going to leave it on the floor of your shower and slip on it and die by hanging yourself with the shower curtain. It’ll be tragic for you because you wanted to finish at least four chapters of this bullshit novel you’ve been “writing” or more aptly “talking about writing” since junior high school, but honestly the world is probably better off without another book about someone who is skilled at textual analysis solving crimes and fucking implausibly attractive young women.
But the police are going to have a huge laugh because they’ll be able to assume all kinds of embarrassing shit about your life and easily determine that your death was a terrible, hilarious accident. They’ll also infer that you masturbated in the shower, that you used lube for this fact, that you were single, probably a little depressed and that you had a latex allergy.
They’ll also link you to a series of completely unrelated murders and rapes, but that won’t be part of the fun and games of your crime scene investigation. That’s just something police do when they have a convenient body around.
Congratulations on Comically Misplacing Your Tube of Lubricant!
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