You, madam, are a saint.
You're a goodtime sally barmaid, and tonight you're going to avert World
War 3.
How, you might ask?
Well, it's like that stupid fucking Butterfly Flapping Its
Wing story that everybody repeats without actually understanding it. Turns out that you getting wasted and then
sucking off a rando in the bathroom will end up keeping that rando (who happens
to run base security on a military base in central Afghanistan when he isn't on
leave) from feeling upset about not getting laid on leave. You won't have fucked him, but his drunk ass
will feel like that human contact constituted sex, was perhaps even better than
sex for the potential for additional contact that it presented, the potential
for the development of an unresolved narrative.
These good feelings will keep this guy going for a while
(you suck a mean dick kid) and this rando will, in a few weeks, run into some
Russian special forces who are trying to get on to his base. The men he's dealing with will have been in
the field for months, and they'll be coming on base to resupply, shower, eat
some warm food and sleep in a bed for the first time in a long time. They'll also have incredibly short fuses,
which drew them to their career in the military. They'll come up to the gate brusquely and,
with minimal introduction, demand to be let in.
This will be the moment of digression. In the world where you didn't blow that
rando, he'll flip shit on those Spetznatz fuckers and order the watch to open
fire on them. They'll do so dutifully,
wiping out their force to a man. This
will trigger events that will eventually result in the termination of most of
the world's population.
In the world where you did blow the rando, he'll be cool,
chill, even polite. He'll ask them to
wait, call the XO of the base, who will contact the CO and, in half an hour,
get back to him with authorization for them to enter the grounds.
No unnecessary death, no global conflict, just hot showers,
hot food, warm beds, and jerk off fantasies.
Congratulations Goodtime Sally Barmaid!
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