Congratulations Fucktastic Friends!

You and your friends are super heroes!

What kind of super heroes?

The kind that fuck people on trains!

"Wait," readers who aren't you might ask.  "How does that make you super heroes?"

You'd wink in response and say "Because we're SUPER good at fucking."

Then you'd fuck that stranger.  Assuming you don't know them, I mean.

Today you're going to get on a train going from Dover to Washington D.C. and fuck everyone on board.  That means you'll end up fucking Vice President Joe Biden (ooh la la!) and a bunch of bureaucrats and some homeless people who got in the train in Dover so they could leave and try to find some place less awful.  They'll get right back on the train once they arrive in D.C., along with you and your fucktastic friends who will, at that point, be off duty.

The homeless people won't want to hear that.  They'll get grabby, which means you and your friends will get stabby, which is your other super power.

"We're super stabby," one of your friends will tell the police during the arraignment hearing.

You'll be acquitted in a few months, after you using your super fuck powers to convince a jury of your peers (which is insane, because you're fuckers without peer) that you deserve to do stuff like stab people who sexually assault other people on trains.  The end result will be a landmark case that will make America as a whole more aware of the insidious and terrible crime of sexual assault and rape, and generate new structures that give broad leeway to women defending themselves in situations that would be classified as or could be construed as sexual assault.

Your time in prison will be captured on tape, in one of the internet's most popular videos, "The Fucktastic Friends Spend a Weekend in Jail."  There'll be a lot of oral sex going on.

Congratulations Fucktastic Friends!