Congratulations Nilla Wafer Jones!

The heist of the century won’t be widely reported, because it won’t be cash or jewels or even maple syrup.  No, the heist of the century will be of Nabisco food products.  It’ll be you and your brother and your brother’s friend Jeremy jumping on a train and killing everyone on board and then securing a supply of delightfully light cookies with a big taste.

Once you’ve got the cookies you’ll start throwing them around the countryside, and by the time you do get to town and meet with representatives of a local food bank, you’ll have thrown off a few thousand dollars worth of cookies and you’ll still have more wafers than they can carry off.

“Thank you so much for this,” the volunteer coordinator will say.  “We really appreciate this.”

You’ll nod solemnly before getting into your pickup, also filled with nilla wafers, and riding off into the sunset.  Over the next few days you’ll spend most of your time trying to find places to sell nilla wafers.  You’ll also occasionally check the news to see if anyone cares about what you did.  But the news reports won’t come in and store owners won’t mind buying nilla wafers at a slightly lower than usual price out of the back of a truck.

When all’s said and done you’ll be sitting pretty on a few thousand dollars and those fat cats at Nabisco will be twisting their mustaches, wishing they knew who took their fancy cookies.  Way to stick it to the man.

Congratulations Nilla Wafer Jones!