Congratulations on Getting Everyone to Go Along wth Your Conspiracy Theory!

The bar will cheer and you’ll hold up your beer.

“ALL SO THEYS CAN CHARGE US MORE TAXES!” you’ll declare at the top of your lungs.  The declaration will smack of pyrrhic victory, like you’ve proven your point but lost everything doing so.  You’ll look at their faces, their pale mirthless faces, and nod at each of them in turn.

“That’s my take at least.”

One man will speak up in the back.

“That’s…that’s needlessly complex though,” he’ll mutter into the crowd.  A shroud of silence will fall over the room as the crowd begins to ponder what he’s saying.

“I mean, Obama woulda had to engineer Reagan’s expansion of the federal government, then anticipate the vast expansion of executive authority that would occur in the wake of September Eleventh, effectively making him a part of the apparatus that generated the deficit which, effectively –“

You’ll cut him off by throwing a bottle at him.  It’ll crash into his temple, blinding the man in one eye and sending him sprawling back from his seat at the table.

“FAGGIT!” you’ll shout at the top of your lungs.  The bar will cheer in response as the bartender drags the man out through the back door to see to his injuries and get him into an ambulance.

Later that night you’ll be hauled off by police on charges on simple assault.  But even as that happens, your new friends will jeer at them and shout praises at you.  They’ll attribute it to the conspiracy, nevermind that the police of the buttfuck town you live in in western Nebraska votes exclusively Republican.

Two weeks later you’ll be invited to work as a Fox News commentatory.  It’ll be the start of a terrible, brief, self-destructive and nationally divisive career.

Congratulations on Getting Everyone to Go Along with Your Conspiracy Theory!