Congratulations on Finding Your Watch!

A week and a half ago you were kidnapped by a gang known as “The Cutters.”  Don’t freak out!  They’ve got that name because they cut people, but they haven’t cut you.  Yet.  Instead they’ve had you in a basement where they’ve been forcing you to do terrible things to other kidnappers to see which one of you has the most malleable mind and will, therefore, become the next cutter.  Today you’re going to really step it up.

After feeding time, when The Cutter Bitch fills up the trough near the hovel of mattresses you sleep, you’re going to be extra aggressive in pushing away the other captives surrounding it.   After shoving aside an old woman and a man missing most of the fingers on one of his hands to get your head in and eat as much nourishing gruel as you can.  After you’ve finished up Cutter Pappy is going to pull you out and hold your face in his hand while making eye contact with you.  You’re going to retain eye contact with him while intermittently licking your lips.  He’ll interpret this as a sign that you’re almost ready, so he’ll put the old woman and the man missing some fingers in front of you and inform you that one of them took your watch and it is hearby your duty to find it if you ever want to see it again.

You’ll nod and smile and start digging into the fingerless man with your hands while  the old woman watches.  You’ll pull him apart with your bare hands while chanting your question again and again “WHERE IS MY WATCH?  WHERE IS MY WATCH?!”  After around fifteen minutes and most of the skin on his abdomen the old woman will start weeping and tell you that the cutters forced her to swallow it.

You’ll smile, politely thank her for letting you know that, and then grab her belly and tear her open with your bare hands.  She’ll shriek and moan as you pull her stomach open and spill its contents on the ground.  The watch, steaming and warm, will tumble out.  You’ll pick it up and put it next to your ear to see if it still works and, when you hear the sound of it ticking, you’ll give everyone in the room the thumbs up.

“We’re good,” you’ll announce as you drape it over your wrist and stand up, cracking your back in the process.

The Cutters will look at one another and nod before handing you a sash declaring you to be the next shattered psychopath they’ll unleash on a suburban home just to see the cruelty you can wreak upon them.  That means better gruel, more comfortable sleeping quarters, and sixty-five percent less rape in your daily life!

Congratulations on Finding Your Watch!