Most people held accountable for their sins are put on trial or subject to the harsh measures of “street justice” that we all read about and watched in films in the seventies. So really, you’re going to be getting off easy when a crazy guy who ate some sub-standard Chef Boyardee that you let go through your factory gets pissed off and kidnaps you to torture you, forcing you to eat the same product you unwittingly made him consume.
“PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE!” he’ll scream at you through his hockey mask, which will have been painted to look a little bit like a tiger.
“This isn’t really that bad,” you’ll tell him as you continue eating the spaghetti. The Goldberg machine he made will still be ticking down while you eat, the clocks hands moving towards the moment where they’ll knock the egg timer into play and the jumping egg timer will startle the squirrel in the cage with the gun, where it will respond by shooting you in the gut. But it won’t feel urgent since he’ll only have asked you to eat a can and tell him that it didn’t ruin your life.
“NOT THAT BAD?!” he’ll say. Then he’ll pull out pictures of the Holocaust. “LOOK AT THIS!”
“That seems broad,” you’ll calmly tell him. “Also, it’s not great, but it’s not awful. Definitely still within our standards.” And with that word you’ll finish the last bite. “Could I go now?”
He’ll sigh and shake his head. “I suppose so.”
The madman will get up from the throne he fashioned from Chef Boyardee cans and move to unlock you from your chains, but his movement will startle the squirrel who, until then, was just kind of chilling out and watching the two of you have at it.
“No!” you’ll cry as you watch the crazy guy who kidnapped you bleed out on the floor.
“How ironic…” he’ll mutter just before losing consciousness, denying you the opportunity to correct him on his use of irony.
Congratulations on Finishing All the Spaghetti!
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