You’re a Justin Bieber fan, like so many young people of this generation. There’s just one problem: you’re a heterosexual male in your mid twenties. This means that no one, I mean no one, in your community can really relate to your feelings towards Bieber.
“He’s a fascinating pop figure with a great deal of talent,” you’ll post on a message board dedicated to the purpose of discussing the young mister Bieber.
“hez sooo hawt,” a young woman named bieberonmimind247 will respond. “i wnt 2 mrry hmi!” she’ll declare for all to see.
These aren’t the kind of conversations you want to have. You just want to be able to sit down and talk about your two loves: Justin Bieber and the mutual reception of oral sex by a pair of consenting adults of different sexes. Turns out there are painfully few straight, of age members of the Bieber community, however, and your plight will go unheeded by the vast majority of the Bieber fan population.
That is, until you discover OkayCupid.
More a social experiment than a dating site, OkayCupid is dedicated to matching up weird fucking people with other weird fucking people, whether their weird interest includes finance or fucking each other while wearing plastic masks clearly intended to be part of a children’s Halloween costume. You won’t have known about it until this morning, when a friend told you to make a profile and mention how much you like Justin Bieber and head.
By noon the profile will be up. By one PM you’ll have seven posts from various lesbians who thought you were a woman because of the long hair in your picture, soliciting you to “lick their hairy love cracks.” By four PM Ms. Right will have message you, asking if you’d like to meet up for coffee and chat about the way the online Bieber community kind of alienates you, and how it seems like way too many lesbians are in to a singer who is actual super hetero.
By October the two of you will be married. You’re welcome.
Congratulations Bieberfan69!
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