Congratulations Bland Food!

You’re a plate of bland Indian food, and that means no one, I mean no one, wants to eat you.

“Urggh,” actor Christopher Lloyd, who has never turned down a role ever, will grunt as he vomits immediately after tasting you. “This is terrible,” he’ll mumble. Then he’ll spit what’s left of his meal out on the floor and leave without paying the bill.

Then an orphan will walk up to the table and sniff you. He’ll take a bite, then shake his head.

“If it was bad, I think I could eat it. But the taste is just so empty…” Then he’ll shuffle off to beg for coins so he can get a sandwich at the White Hen next door, just so he can remember what taste, even shitty taste, is like.

Later on you’ll be dumped into a trash can by a bus boy who barely makes enough to eat and pay rent. He won’t even notice you as you fall into the trash can.

Once you’re in the can, the other bits of garbage will just stare at you.

“Is there anything, anything at all, interesting about you?” they’ll ask in one voice, terrible and heavy with the sludge of time. You’ll shake your head in response, which will be an overcooked potato covered in sauce that has no identifiable spices in it.

“Huh. So what do you do?”

You’ll tell them that you do some office work at a nearby building, and they’ll nod their heads in response.

“That makes sense,” they’ll say, going back to their own conversations, doing their best to ignore you until you all move on to the next phase of existence together.

Congratulations Bland Food!