Congratulations Average Penis Porn Star!

You’re a porn star. No big whoop. You have sex with a lot of women who don’t talk to you or make eye contact with you off set. You’re paid, but not as much as you might think, and you really like heroin. It’s a story as old as time. But there’s something special about you.

You have but an average sized penis.

Bestill your gasps! This isn’t actually that uncommon. But what is is to have an average sized penis, not shave your pubes and still get lots of work. But you’ll somehow manage to do it. You’ll book shoot after shoot, shake hand after hand and, even though you won’t be that successful, you’ll gain something of a fan following as a porn everyman, the kind of guy who makes us believe we’re actually fucking that emotionally distraught model with serious self-esteem problems.

But you won’t notice it for the most part. Your life will actually be kind of lonely. You’ll live alone, cook your simple meals and cash your modest checks, eking out a life in Los Angeles with all the other dreamers. That is, until today.

Today your fame will come crashing through your front door in the form of a two hundred twenty pound man who really likes your work.

“I REALLY LIKE YOUR WORK!” he’ll shout at you as he ties you to a radiator while holding a gun to your forehead, no easy feat.

“You’re really good at this,” you’ll tell him, horrified that he’s going to shoot you at any second.

“THANKS!” he’ll respond.

This will kick off a marathon hostage negotiation session which will, hopefully, result in your safe release from harm. That’s a little unclear. But what is clear is that it will make you a household name, make you a little more in demand in the porn industry and let you afford a better apartment in the future. Hopefully one with a better security system, too.

Congratulations Average Penis Porn Star!