Congratulations on Wreathing the World in Flames!

Today you’re going to put some weight on the glowing rune your dad put next to the computer with your foot while you’re masturbating. You’ll do that thing where you splay your legs out and thrust your crotch upward, as if you were inside someone instead of just clutching your lube caked hand, furiously pounding your meat. That’ll set all of it off.

The house will immediately be sheathed in a red light, pulsing with energy. It’ll be really distracting, and it’ll keep you from finishing. You’ll slam your fist down on the desk and grimace.

“Fuck!” you’ll shout, looking around the room for a towel. That’s how your father will find you, pants around your ankle, desperately grasping at a washcloth just out of reach.

“Jesus Christ,” he’ll say, shielding his eyes from you. “You really had to do that here?”

He won’t be shouting. He never shouts. He’ll just be shaking his head.

“This is bad,” he’ll say. “Get out of my office.”

You’ll tromp out to the front stoop, where you’ll sit and stare out at the street. Energy will be roiling out from your house, setting grass and leaves on fire as it rolls over the landscape. It’ll inch across the neighborhood slowly, surely, the fire creeping along the ground, leaping over houses and trees and cars. Water will be strangely untouched, too still under the flames rolling over it.

At the center of it all will be your home, with your mother and father, shouting at one another. They’ll be arguing about you, about your father refusing to talk to you about masturbation and the runic magic that his father taught him. From what you’ll hear, over the combination of the screams of passers-by and the doors your parents will slam, is that your dad didn’t want to make you learn about the hellish power contained by those runes for a few more years, at least, but your mom won’t buy it.

“Odds are he’s learned about runes already. Kids are probably invoking them at his school all the time!”

She’ll be very, very wrong, but you’ll be glad that she’s standing up for you. You’ll bite your lip and consider going back inside, but you really won’t want to. Instead you’ll sit on your steps and watch the flames creep along the earth.

The cute girl who lives next door to you will run by screaming, her skin boiling off her body, and it’ll suddenly dawn on you that you’ll be trapped here for a long time, with no one else on this world except your parents. You’ll be masturbating a lot more, but probably not with the internet, or by watching your cute neighbor through the window. You’ll bite your lip and start to cry, your tears steaming from the heat from the world around you as the fire continues to spread.

Congratulations on Wreathing the World in Flames!