Congratulations on Lighting a Man Flame!

Today, in order to demonstrate your new Olympic mascot, Torchy, you’re going to call your friend Rocco into your office.

“Sup blood,” you’ll say to him, jerking your head unsteadily in his direction. He’ll jerk his head back and you’ll know shit’s on.

“Let’s do this!” you’ll shout simultaneously before Rocco douses himself in gasoline and you rummage through your pockets for a lighter. Then the two of you will turn to the Olympic committee and begin your presentation.

“This is our mascot,” you’ll declare to them. Then you’ll press play on a boombox, beginning the play of a twenty minute looping tape of Eye of the Tiger, strike the lighter and hurl it towards Rocco.

This action will lead to Rocco being completely engulfed in flames, which will in turn lead to Rocco running around wildly screaming. The Olympic committee will maintain their composure as they watch your presentation, and when Rocco finally comes to rest they’ll shake their heads.

You’ll shrug and shake your head at Rocco as well, following their lead.

“We gave it our all, right buddy?” you’ll say, patting his charred corpse. As the police arrive to arrest you for murder you’ll regret nothing, except for the fact that you murdered your best friend and still didn’t get your mascot officiated for the Olympics.

Congratulations on Lighting a Man Flame!