Congratulations on Finding Out Where Belgian Chocolates Really Come From!

Today while touring the corporate headquarters of a well-sized shipping magnate you’ll stumble across a curious manifest, a manifest detailing the shipping patterns of a particularly popular (though nameless for legal reasons) brand of European chocolates. Puzzled, you’ll note that the shipping seems to originate from a factory in central New Jersey.

You’ll shuffle through the papers in an attempt to find some evidence that the chocolate does, indeed, come from Europe. But after a lengthy period of searching all you’ll have for your efforts are paper-cuts and evidence of grand larceny and insider trading performed by the CEO of the well-sized shipping magnate.

The gravity of the situation won’t be lost upon you. You, indeed the whole of America, has been lied to for decades about the origin and veracity of their foreign chocolate holdings. You’ll know what you need to do. You’ll take these files, clutch them close to your chest, and hurry out of the building at breakneck (slightly faster than walking) speed.

If this were a movie this would be the part where you’d be chased by assassins from the well-sized shipping magnate’s parent company, who desperately wants to suppress their insider trading and choco-fraud. It would be awesome and a hot chick would end up fucking you prior to revealing some sort of betrayal and just before another hot chick who turned out to be the one you’d been looking for all along in your life came along to help you. When the credits rolled the information would’ve been leaked to the press and all would be right with the world, the criminals in jail, justice served.

Instead, because you’re a freelance financial analyst who grasps how our justice system works, you’ll take the documents to the assistant district attorney and blow this case wide open over the next four to seven months, mostly working long, lonely hours out of your one bedroom apartment. Eventually the company will be fined and everyone will know that the precious foreign chocolates which they’ve been paying so dearly for in fact come from New Jersey, where nothing anyone wants comes from.

Congratulations on Finding Out Where Belgian Chocolates Really Come From!