Congratulations Heartbreak Revolutionary!

Anyone can break a heart given enough time and pressure. And anyone can start a South American revolution given enough money and angry poor people. But there are very few people who can do both at the same time. This is where your unique skills come into play.

You look just like Che Guevera and sound just like Cesar Chavez. You’re capable of remarkable eloquence one moment and incredible callousness the next. You move from cause to cause because you’re afraid that settling in to one spot might make you very the sort of stagnant dictator you seek to undo all across the world.

So it’s not entirely your fault that you leave a trail of heartbroken ladies and failed coups in your wake. It’s just the way nature made you, and you can’t fight your own nature. Trying never ends well.

But it will sort of be your fault when Pilar de Mendoza has to get a coat hanger abortion because you got her pregnant and then left her in a conservative South American micronation where abortion and women’s opinions are both strictly banned by the government. So even though you should still feel bad about yourself because there’s a really good chance Pilar will develop long term complications because of what you did a couple of the ladies in the office wanted to make sure that you knew how much they liked you, so we’re here to say Congratulations Heartbreak Revolutionary from all the women are Sexy Results with really poor judgment and barren uteruses! They’ll be vacations in Guatemala come spring.