We understand your racism. Change can be scary, especially when daddy left you so young and so alone and so very, very tragically rich. And you’ve made quite a bit out of it, no one’s going to deny that. You took your shitty life in New London, Connecticut and made it into a chain of semi-successful investment firms in the Northeast which specialized in “risky,” that is to say ill-advised, investments.
Turns out there’s a huge population of really stupid rich people in America who have either become wealthy by accident, through enduring mental illness, or through fortune (which covers birth). And they all want you to basically toss their money into a giant fire pit for them.
But there’s going to be one critical error on your part: you’re going to refuse to hire anyone who even speaks Spanish.
Your client base will love this move, since it will effectively weed out any Mexicans who, as they understand it, are ruining the country. But finding qualified investment bankers who didn’t take the easiest possible language course in high school and don’t remember any of it at all is going to be pretty difficult.
In the end you’ll only be able to hire graduates from the University of Pheonix who, for lack of a better word, are completely retarded. You’ll be bankrupt within three months and you’ll have a new company to mismanage into the ground within another two.
Congratulations on Alienating a Huge Portion of the Workforce!
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