Congratulations on Piercing It!

You’re a bit of a coward, it’s fair to say. There are lots of things you wish you could do that you simply can’t. For example, you’ve wanted to get a facial piercing for a long time, but you never had the balls. You wanted to get your tongue pierced but you worried about ruining your dental work. You wanted to get your belly button pierced, but you were worried your boyfriend would call it “too faggy.”

So you’ve remained un-pierced, not for a fear of needles but a fear of permanence, of losing something your body never really had and a fear of what others will think of the choices you’ve made.

Plenty of people have those same fears. But guess what gets rid of them? That’s right, tequila! And where you’re going there will be plenty of it. Because tomorrow you’re going to go to Mexico and get wasted on shooters or blasters or whatever they call measurements of tequila you ram into your fat face where you’re from.

After a few dozen of them the world will become a wondrous blur and your fears will be mitigated. Well, some of them. The fear of permanence specifically. Your deep seeded fear of what others think of you will remain, so you won’t be able to get a facial piercing. But you will be able to stop worrying about permanence, and that means you’ll up and get a “utility piercing” right through the shaft of your dick.

It won’t hurt at all, thanks entirely to tequila, but if will require excessive care over the next few weeks so remember to keep the piercing clean or your dick will fall off long before your boyfriend’s jaw drops when he thinks of how that’ll feel up his asshole.

Oh, and Congratulations on Piercing It! We’re all very proud of you.