Congratulations on Being a Big Hit!

You normally avoid office Christmas parties, mostly because you hate sleeping with your co-workers and are unstoppably charismatic. But everyone once in a blue moon you let it all out and just put yourself in the mouth of whatever interested parties are available.

That’s, following your big ugly breakup, you’re going to show up stag at the Festivus party with the goal of sleeping with as many women as possible and ruining as many marriages as possible in the process. You’ll arrive to a round of applause and a single pair of panties and everything will seem to be on schedule.

At first, that is. But after fifteen minutes you’ll ask Crissy if she wants to blow you in the copy room and, to your great surprise, she’ll turn you down, mentioning how much she loves her husband. You’ll shrug and blame the economy, but everywhere you go you’ll get the same response. For the first time in two decades you won’t be able to get women to abandon their significant others for casual sex with their super hot co-worker.

Crestfallen, you’ll stop by the wine bar to drown your sorrows. While you pound glass after glass of merlot the incredibly gay bartender will look at you with tremendous sympathy. Once his relief shows up he’ll ask if you want to talk about how you’re doing. You’ll shrug and say okay and he’ll drag you to the copy room.

Once in the copy room he’ll rip your pants off and blow you more violently than you’ve ever been blown before. You’ll be smiling when your gay co-worker stumbles in upon the two of you and falls upon your spent cock, sucking it until you come again.

You’ll feel uncomfortable at first, but as the night progresses a staggering number of men, some of whom will surprise you, will come in to that copy room and rock your world. Before the party is over and you leave, swerving your way home in your Acura, you’ll be baffled by your own sexuality but you’ll be sure that you’ve still got your charm. Its just changed so that you only attract gay dudes, which is just fine with you at this point in your life.

Congratulations on Being a Big Hit!