Congratulations on Marketing Your Skills Properly!

Markrham and Howell will have changed dramatically since its founding in 1946 as a shell law office which would allow “wronged parties” to “fully prosecute nips for what they done did.” Between that time and today it’s grown into Montgomery’s single most respected law office focused on civil rights and civil liberties. They are, to the best of your knowledge, the only member of the ACLU in your congressional district, and the only one to side against white people from the late seventies to the present day.

As a newly graduate college student you don’t have a lot of practical experience that would allow you to become an effective paralegal, but you do have two things going for you: your sexual talents and a very large penis. You think you can translate these things into a job at a predominantly female law firm, and you’ll be right.

When you sit down across from the HR rep, Shelly, who’s looking through your résumé with intense detachment, you’ll feel pretty confident. Even as she dismisses the “work experience” and “extracirricular” parts of your résumé, you’ll have great faith that, once she reaches the end of the document where you clipped a photo of your penis to the paper and wrote “I eat the puss” beneath it she’ll be sold.

You’ll be right and you’ll get the job post haste, as the Markrham HR rep will know she and her co-workers will be able to exploit you sexually without fear of reprisal, as theirs is the only law firm in town which would ever take a sexual harassment case.

Thus will be begin a rollercoaster ride of sex with older women and health insurance. Be sure to get tested regularly as to prevent an office-wide outbreak of VD, and remember to develop some skills since you’re going to become a terrible lover and a bit of a spoiled dick in a few years since you’ve never had to work for anything sexually in your life, and your youth will soon fade, leaving you a shell of the man you once were.

Congratulations on Marketing Your Skills Properly!