Congratulations Mutton Chops McGee!

Some people try to make their mark on the world through art.  Some people do it through charity or good deeds.  Some people try to do it through producing fantastic amounts of wealth and then paying other people to do one of those things we already mentioned for them.

You, unfortunately, are an unexceptional man of unexceptional means.  You fuck up everything whenever you try to help people, you’re kind of a racist, you’re terrible with money and you have absolutely no artistic, literary or cinematic acumen.  In days of old, that would mean that there’s absolutely nothing you can do with yourself that anyone will ever notice ever.

But this isn’t days of old.  We have Youtube and shit now.  And you, wise little fox you are, are going to figure out how to use Youtube to your advantage.   Because one thing you do have is frighteningly weird facial hair and another thing you have is a webcam.  And in this era that’s all you need to change the world forever.

Today you’re going to start a series of video diaries where you haphazardly address your webcam and tell it about your day.  Your ups, your far more numerous downs, the rejections that have befallen you, the trials and tribulations that royally fucked up your vain attempts at maintaining a positive worldview.  All of these things will be recorded on the Youtube channel “Mutton Chops McGee.”

And the world will love it.

Your affable patheticness, the cluelessness you bring to the most rudimentary activities and exchanges, the terrible facial hair you’ll insist on wearing.  It’ll all combine to form a perfect storm of awfulness that people will take to like crack addicts to crack.  They’ll watch your shit all day every day and fall deeper and deeper in love with you with each sad, lonely confessional moment.

It won’t help your personal life much, but within a decade people will recognize you as “Mutton Chops McGee” at random in public.  And while that won’t help you woo the girl you like at the coffee shop, or make your dad finally love you, it will allow you to live on as future generations watch your videos and wonder why you were so very, very sad.

Congratulations Mutton Chops McGee!