Congratulations Go-Kart Fiction Author!

Kurt cut his wheel, grinding the bumper of his go-kart into Lance’s rear end.  As the kart flipped, he felt satisfaction running underneath his driving gloves, up his hands and into his eyes.  Chet was avenged.  Kurt’s work was done.

As you finish this line you’ll smile at your netbook.  It will have been a hell of a year: one dissolved marriage, one dissolved furtive homosexual relationship, one resounding unsuccessful sustained heterosexual relationship and one budding homosexual relationship later, you’ll have completed your taut, sexy thriller about the sexy world of underground go-kart racing.  There’ll be a lot of discussion surrounding go-kart assembly, a few race scenes and an astounding amount of very thoroughly described gay sex.  Also some cursorily described straight sex.

As you finish it, you’ll save it to your hard drive, your backup hard drive and your cloud server service.  Then you’ll email your friend who works at a publishing house who promised to get you an appointment with an agent.

It’s done!!! you’ll proudly announce.

A week later you’ll be in the office, discussing the finer points of Go-Karting with a tremendously disinterested young woman.  She’ll be impeccably dressed and put together.  She won’t know shit about the world of go-karting.

She’ll turn your idea down before you’re twenty minutes into the pitch.

Later that night you’ll be instant messaging your boyfriend while your beard of a girlfriend cleans up the kitchen and yammers at you about god only knows what.

suck, he’ll say, ladys a bitch

You’ll concur, and then Google self-publishing.

After a brief read up, you’ll realize that self-publishing is one step above hanging yourself with an extension cord while you jack off without a spotter.  You’ll decide it’s not for you.  Then you’ll Google “one step above self-publishing” and you’ll learn about Amazon’s digital book distribution services.

You’ll submit your manuscript and it will be approved within twenty four hours.  Within forty eight, it’ll be linked to one every go-karting subforum in the internet.  Within seventy two, you’ll have sold over ten thousand copies.

Within a month you’ll be tremendously successful, outed as a homosexual, briefly single, then happily engaged to a very nice young man, and moderately successful as a writer.  At least, for an Amazon author.

Congratulations Go-Kart Fiction Author!