Congratulations on Donkey Punching Yourself Into a Relationship!

She’ll be squealing with delight while you plunge into her anus, calling you daddy, smokey, jiminey, all kinds of weird shit. Her sad little eyes will be closed up tight and her face, permanently turned down in a frown, will be turned into a grin. This particular girl with low self-esteem will be special, not just a desperate sweetie looking for a good time. She’ll be something incredible, a transformed figure which reflects your own self-hate back on to you as you plunge into her.

But you’re still a huge asshole, so when you start to come, the electricity of almost orgasming forming within your stomach, you’ll ball up your hand into a fist and slam it as hard as you can right into Carie or Kimmy or Gracie or whatever the fuck her name is’ kidney. She’ll shriek, not in pain as you expected, but in pleasure, letting loose a deep moan, and you’ll, to your surprise, come that much harder for her enjoying it as her sphincter spasms violently, massaging your penis as her orgasm, your orgasm and her involuntary spasm will all coincide and the world will explode in light and pleasure and the most heavenly convalescence you can imagine.

You’ll slump forward on her even as she keeps pushing her hips back up against you, glancing wistfully over her shoulder and smiling at you. It’ll be the single most beautiful thing you’ve seen since that bitch of an ex broke your heart in this very room six years ago. This girl, this mess you found in a bar, will kiss you without pushing out of her, without turning around.

Then she’ll let out a deep, trilling breath and hum to herself before speaking.

“That was fantastic. Think you’ll be ready again soon?”

At that moment, you’ll know you’ll be in sudden, wonderful trouble. And you won’t care.

Congratulations on Donkey Punching Yourself Into a Relationship!