Congratulations James Personerson!

Today you’re going to get up from bed and brush your teeth. Then you’re going to get into the shower and clean your body in a normal fashion, scrubbing yourself with soap and water mixed together in a loofah.

Then you’ll go downstairs and kiss your wife on the mouth before enjoying a brief, nutritious breakfast with her. You’ll get into your car and drive your kids to school and then, following that, go off to work, where you’ll manage the shipping and receiving manifests for a small agri-food focused transport consortium. At about noon or so you’ll take a lunch break, during which you’ll eat a sandwich you packed earlier that day.

Far, far later you’ll uncover a human trafficking ring being run out of some of your shipping containers.

“Well,” you’ll declare to no one in particular. “That’s quite a doozy.”

You’ll promptly call the FBI, who’ll take over the investigation from there. Then you’ll go home and watch premium cable with your wife.

“I love you and the relatively uneventful life we maintain,” you’ll tell her, after relating the hilarious series of mishaps that led you to discovering the human trafficking ring.

“I’m glad that series of events you described didn’t interfere with the daily flow of our very very average lives,” your wife will retort.

The two of you will laugh at length before turning off the TV, checking to make sure your kids are asleep and putting on your leather masks for some really intense bondage sex.

Congratulations James Personerson!