Congratulations Ambitious Squirrel!

You’ll be sitting in your campaign office, turning a particularly interesting nut over and over in your hands. You’ll occasionally bring it up to your mouth to take a nibble, but you’ll be careful. You won’t want to get acorn bits all over your suit, especially if you have to go on camera.

You’ll have been sitting there in a mix of terrible anxiety and fascination with a nut for nearly an hour when your campaign manager bursts in with the exit poll numbers.

“We did it,” he’ll say flatly. “You got it.”

You’ll scurry out of your chair and on to the desk, where you’ll begin chittering incoherently. Your campaign manager will calmly nod. Then he’ll put his hand on the table and permit you to crawl up his arm to his shoulder, where you’ll sit in your cute little suit and look absolutely adorable up on his shoulder. He’ll walk you out of your office and into the main room, where your staff will be standing and already applauding.

Your campaign manager will carry you to a podium, which you’ll delicately hop down from his shoulder on to. Then he’ll adjust the normal sized microphone so that you can reach it. Your campaign manager will step behind the camera, where he’ll begin counting down. You’ll straighten your adorable little tie with your adorable little squirrel paws and then, at the one, start speaking.

Since you can’t actually speak English, you’ll just make little squirrel noises. Mostly squeaks, a few chitters and chatters. One or two growls, to show that you really are serious about tackling the local problems of your electorate on a state-wide level. Then you’ll hold up your tiny squirrel fist as if to say “we did it!”

Then you’ll return to your tree, where you’ll forage for nuts for the rest of the day and try to avoid being eaten by a hawk. Later, you’ll move into a nice little apartment, but for now, it’s all about staying alive for the next ten days. Good work on the election, though. The real challenges have just begun.

Congratulations Ambitious Squirrel!