Thursday, April 2, 2009

Congratulations to the Children of Broken Hearts!

This one goes out to a lot of people. Some of them are even here in our own office. We’re talking to you, Jessica, Tamira, Mike and Black Chris. There are probably a few we missed, but those are the big ones, and the collective authors of today’s prediction.

Because today a pheonix is going to be born. It’ll be born in northern Alberta, so the only life that will witness its birth, aside from its mommy pheonix (daddy didn’t feel like he was ready, and mommy agreed so they’re taking a break for a spell) will be a small herd of caribou and a lone wolf shadowing them.

They’ll be so taken by its beauty that they’ll cease their endless natural struggle between predator and prey and share a moment of oneness, where they understand that they are merely separate spokes on the same wheel.

In this same instant a backlash will ripple out across large portions of the world, but North America will be most profoundly affected. Everyone who’s ever had their heart pulled out, stepped on and stamped worthless by a lady or fella will up and feel a moment of oneness that they thought they’d never experience again. Pairs in close proximity to one another may end up making out, and let us tell you it’ll be tops.

People around the world will be stricken with an inexplicably peaceful feeling of joy and wonder, but those most profoundly affected will be those whose lives have been forever reshaped by pain they’ve felt when love left their lives.

This feeling will last for, at most, an hour as the pheonix comes to understand its place in the world and learns to control this feeling of oneness. Because while a taste is good every once in a while, its something we’ve got to earn. Or re-earn, as the case may be.

So today we’ve got a very special congratulations for the children of broken hearts. Today you’re the lucky ones.

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