Congratulations on Smuggling Those Grapes!

You'll bring them in in a special pouch inside the lining of your pants.  The pouch will be on the inside of your thigh, where the Office Monitor won't touch due to your company's strict sexual harassment policy.  You'll know that this method will mean losing some grapes, but under the circumstances, you'll be okay with that.  You won't need all of them.  Just one.

When you get lunch for Karey with a K, you'll watch as they make her Greek salad, staring as they pile feta cheese on iceberg lettuce and then plop an assortment of olives on top of it.  When you bring the salad back to the office you'll bring it by your desk before dropping it off at Karey with a K's.  You'll crack the plastic cover slowly, painstakingly, careful not to make a sound.  Then you'll pull off the olives and place the most olive-looking grapes on that nearsighted bitch's salad.  When your work is done, you'll replace the plastic cover and examine your handiwork.

There will be no trace of your tampering.  Even you will barely be able to tell the difference between your grapes, flecked with feta cheese, and the olives, discarded in your trash, concealed by a single leaf of printer paper with an old email on it.  The only tell will be a slight curl at the side of your mouth when you drop off the salad at Karey with a K's desk.

"Just the way you like it," you'll mumble at her with your eyes on the floor, anticipating an outburst.  "Dressing on the side."

She will remain silent today, taking the container from you and shooing you away before digging it.

You'll hear the crackle of plastic as you walk away, followed by slopping pouring and crunching and slurping.  The only tell will be a quick "hurm," followed by a gasp, then a hacking cough.  You'll hear Karey with a K lurch and slide forward from her desk.  Her paper clips will clatter to the carpet, and when you hear the thud of her stapler hitting the ground, you'll let your smile bloom.  You'll afford yourself a single, quiet whisper.

"The perfect crime," you'll say you as cross Pam's desk.  Her eyes will light up in recognition, before she makes a quick zipping motion in front of her lips.  Karey with a K always was a bitch to Pam, too.  She'll know that this was for the best.

Congratulations on Smuggling Those Grapes!